FML- father's mother's love

honestly, at thos very momment. I just really wanna fml. As in literally f my life. Yea, i knw hw i always say its a different phase of my life. Bt seriously is dam fking tough ok.. I mean seriously wei, is this smetime of jokes. yeap, some speaker once said, God is putting me thru all this bcoz he likes me, bt hey i dun really like myself. In fact, i hate myself.. (denying myself? Lolx)

Fck it la ok. I mean, i used to have a dream to go for my scholarship and persuade my dream, bt fine. Since u dowan it, den so be it. Bt nw u see wat a mess u have leave me and den u just amake it worst. Cme on wei, wat do u want frm me??

Thats nt enuf? Havent u figure out why i prefer staying outside den being at home. Trust me, its mre than frens. do u knw hw tense is it staying wif u. Trying to find fault in me? Like totally wtc? Dun rub it in when u knw that i am right.

Cant u see im trying my best to put a smile on my face already? Can u see that this isnt wat i want? Cant u? Why are u so blind??

Fml is smthg makes someone stronger and better. Bt it can also crush u down one day.

Why did u even decide to have me even when u knw its fking wrong? Yes, this is for the both of u..

finally..

Hmm.. in less than 24 hours, i receive a phone call from my dad, saying that he cant stay with my family anymore.



Yes, again, they fought, and again, my dad was caught cheating again for the countless time. But this time, he ended up leaving the house. Well, i wasnt home when all this happened. When i got home, as usual, my mum was just like any other emo gal, telling me wad happened, and saying that my dad still have affair outside. And say that he have another family besides us. although all this is my mum's assumption, i'm not surprise at all.



Actually, i knew this all along. All this while i've just been 'buat bodoh-ing', keeping all things low, the reason where i belief in time that, all this should be keep low because it will just tear my mum apart. but i guess it's about time.



The marriage that wasnt start not of the reason of love will one day be broken. (see, thats why dun have se before marriage) Because they had me, they are forced to be married, and then till today, it has come to an end.



hmm.. well, i hope both of my parents can act like proper adult and just ket each other go and live their own live from now on. dun hate each other but wish the best for each other. Yes, although both of them are almost 50 years old now, but live is never too late to start enjoying.



currently i decided to stop picking up my dad phone call or in contact, because i think that, they should communicate themselve and not u their child to be the awkward messenger. so yea, i do not hate him.

In conclusion, although this is something i have expected this a decade although, but have prepared myself mentally. But the impact and the pain still really hurts. Haha.. Im fine. seriously. Cause Jesus loves me no matter wat. :)I hope that both of my parents will understand this too, hehe.

Bye dad, i hope this is the last time i'm saying this. :) and this is for both of my parents.

life is very real. just hasn’t be as “in your face” as it is now.. zach from smk seafield.. whoa.. just the thing for me now.. i mean i expecting this thing to happen but just not now. so sien la.. haha.. cant it happen some other time.. lolx...

updates

im sorry this blog has been so dead.. hehe.. so here are so quickie updates..

25th June: yes, its my bfday.. thx for the bfday wish guys.. seriously very touched by every wishes.. and trust me, i had a blast!! haha.. well, i started of in the bus station and head down to run the pre rally in Mentakab, pahang for the first ever rally!! whooo.. Its was seriously beyond awesome man. i mean wat could be better than surrender your 18th bfday back to God. Praise him..

26th june:
The thing was finnaly done!! haha.. sos rally arrived.. Pahang experience their first ever rally inspired by subang rally.. and it changed the lifestyle of the youth in Pahang..

well.. i wanted to post pictures.. but somehow i cant.. dk why.. haha.. blog must have merajuk wif me for not blogging for so darn long..

oh yea.. there was this girl that i never met before, but i get to know her thru msn or smthg like dat accepted christ wen she came for this event. So yea.. awesome stuff wei..

3th july

Exactly, in one week time.. Subang rally is here.. ignite!!

Nothing in contact with fire will ever be the same again..

This year, tough im like so darn old already i still get to serve in the technical team.. so awesome wei.. hehe.. and this year some how.. i ended going to rally with 14 years old... lolx..

Awesome?? yea.. pretty much.

en, rally was good la.. i mean.. i get to went up stage and talk.. amen!! haha.. sorry la.. it was my dream.. And if i wasnt wrong.. Andrian Goh and Samanha from my school actually accepted christ.. haha.. cool stuff wei..

hehe.. NOW:

So far form6 its not bad for me.. hehe.. im really interested in my subjects.. bt my teachers are abit 'errrrrrr' , lets just say, i dun suit their way of teaching.. its not the teachers, its me.. and i hate the stupid firetrucking cocuriculum wei. like seriously wei, first the 8 hours of studies and then we waste another two hours playing chess and snake and leaders.. totally wtc wei..

oh yea.. and then i was selected by the prefect leader to run for head prefect. Haha..

awesome stuff wei.. LOLX. i enjoyed being a prefect but then people like me..

But today when i was running for the campaign..

i felt it was more like a popularity contest than a campaign thing.. haih..

and i really doubt myself whether i can do it or not.. so yea..

so yea.. more updates coming soon.. hehe... lolx.. oh yea.. i shaved bald just for fun.. hehe.. and it just hit me that i really need to grow up wei.. hehe.