21 days of SUSOM

3 weeks away from home..

Away from comfort zone, away from people loved and cared one, away from my friends, away from my car, away from my job, away from my worries, away from all the fears, away from my commitment and obligation, SUSOM was the escape plan for me to take a break from my hectic lifestyle.

*SUSOM-Scripture Union Students On Mission. A 3 week programme for school leavers for mission exposure organized by Scripture Union Peninsular Malaysia.

It defiantly wasn't something i wanted to attend, i was so comfortable with my life. I have a not too bad job for a school leaver, a group of 'kaki mamak', i enjoying my time serving in church, going out and spending time with my youth group. Everything was doing great, in fact, I was offered with so many others career opportunity. Life was just perfect. Although so, God wasn't really playing any part in my life, but why bother, life was fine.

29th Dec, 2 days before the dateline for application of SUSOM, i received a call and i was asked to participate SUSOM, my first reaction was NO. I meant what for? I was doing great with my life, 9 months breaks, this is the best time of my life. Why give a damn about this?? So, I just turn the offer down. Immediately after i hang up the phone, a strong urge came upon me and told me I should go for it.

The feeling was strong, and I just cant make up my mind, the thought of God's calling for me back in RBS ( a similiar Christian program) just cant stop haunting me, so with much persuasion and advice, i decided to attend this program.

So how was SUSOM? Well, it was a big change of lifestyle. First, I was being treated like a kid, i have a caretaker, i have to report whatever i have to do. There, was journal-ing and reporting to do, and just like RBS, there is book assignment too. But little as i dislike it, i soon to learn to enjoy doing so. I enjoyed my quiet time, every workshop and classes provided. I enjoyed the friendship i made.

But what truly changed me was the presence of God. I finally understood, why God causes certain event to happened in my life. I came to know i was more spiritual sensitivity was more strong compare to Christian, it wasn't something that i like, but God have chosen me because He knew I capable of having it. Secondly, the feeling of waking up and just can't wait to learn from God is just amazing. I cant wait to read and attend class, although i dont show it, but deeply, I really look forward for all classes. Third, I strengthen my relationship with God, life back home is great, but not once, God was in the picture except for occasionally Sunday Morning.

I been running away from God all this while, I didn't like what he arranged for me. Being from a single family, luxury was something i have to earned myself, and i had no problem doing so myself, with my own effort. I chose my to live my life the way i wanted for myself. Where's God? Where ever He is, so long he doesn't block my way, then I will have no problem with Him, and i wouldn't mind, helping Him out in his great plan whenever I'm free.

And today it finally hit me that what I've done was I backslid-ed without me knowing. But He didnt gave up on me, and instead, He's been there all this while, still waiting for me. So the calling for SUSOM was God's calling me back to Him.

#1 God spoke to me every morning through His QT(devotion and mediatation on Bible). I realized back home QT was so dry it was because i didnt took him seriously and i was so distracted by my life that I enjoyed, but now here in SUSOm, QT is the best part of the day. (Am not believing Im saying this, never was a QT person)

SUSOM resolution1 : To take QT more serious in my daily routine. No more Quiet time in the toilet. Lol

#2 God was arranging me was something greater. I often reject opportunity which requires a huge responsibility and commitment, but I often was chosen, and i really dislike it, and asked God why the burden? But in SUSOM I learned that God was preparing me to receive the gift of 'Leadership' .' Me, a leader? haha, joke of the century,' i thought, but now i looked back, the task i taken charge of.

#3 I was asked to share my testimony in an event in Ipoh, well, I totally lost count of the times I shared my testimony in public, btw, is only reading a story, no big deal, and then, 5 hours before the event, I was told, my piece of story was the only sharing of God's Word of that event that consist of 50% of non-Christians. There and then God spoke to me, He knew no matter how good i was at talking and reading, I was not able to give a good sharing, so He convicted me to ask the Holy Spirit for help, and let HS to take control. And yes, that day in a very long time, Hold Spirit took charge of me, and seeds was planted that night.

This actually reminds me of my days in school Christian Fellowship, where i was so bold and full of faith and preaching in public, because i Knew Holy Spirit will settle the everything else, so long i do my part. But now 3 years after form 5, i found out I lose faith in the Holy Spirit and learned to do things in my own effort, without God's help, not only in God's work, but everything else.

SUSOM resolution 2 : To trust Holy Spirit as much as I do, practice inviting HS in daily decision.

#4 God spoke to me through a book. Joshua Harris's STOP DATING THE CHURCH! Since form 6 started, I stop going to church, even till this very day. I was called the prodigal by the church elder, because i was missing for so long before SUSOM. But now, in this book, I learned that church was not a place of focus only for God, but is also for me. The focus is on me. Our relationship with God. God speaking directly to me through His word in Sermon. God wants me to go back to church because he wants to have a intimate relationship with me, he actually cares for me, and the church was not a place where only the one serving (pastor, elder, leaders, musician ) plays a role, but every one in the church. From the kids of sunday school to the senior citizen too.

SUSOM resolution 3 : To attend church , make CHURCH A PRIORITY

#5 Being a kid that is less fortunate, single parent, poor, under educated family, I cant experience many things that other kids already done so commonly. Going overseas for travel, seating on airplane, having good meals once in awhile, quality family time together, latest gadget, college. Even if i could, it is through many hardship, for example my car, my phone and laptop, my scholarship for college back in form 5, all this was my own effort, but even so, many people would disagree and obstacle, and is very discouraging, because sometimes, it would so close from getting what i want but then i'll still fail.

But then, God promise me so much more, if i follow him. So much fish, that my boat would sink. For example, through this mission trip, God have me a chance to seat on a plane, and travel around the world. To try different food, cultures, to meet with great people. To do things that i never thought i could within my capability.

All this while, my mindset of FTM was that it gonna be suffering, tired, worn out, no fun, no laughter only 'joy' of serving Him, which is simply 'brainwashing' people so they could go heaven. well, yes, i admit the joy is really priceless and invaluable. However i didn't want to let go of what i have already. All the hardwork i done to become who i want to be, but is in SUSOM I came to know greater things are yet to be done for me and through me.

To conclude SUSOM, i was busy being my own sandcastle that will be taken away any time by the tides, but I did not bother, because i knew Im able to build one to withstand the wave, but then God now God is asking me to join Him in building the REAL CASTLE which will not be broken down, HIS KINGDOM.

Now the question is, will i? will i let go all i have now, for Him? Well, i cant give a defiante answer now, bt i learn to let God take control of my life, let him be the lamp to my feet and the light upon my path. One step at a time, and when the time comes, He will show me the right path.